Hatchet 2 (2010)

I firmly stand by the statement that the original Hatchet was one of the best 'throw back' horror films this side of House Of The Devil. You'll notice that most of the people who didn't care for it happen to be younger. Those of us who saw the first Friday The 13th in the theater appreciate every single cheap nuance that Adam Green put into the making of Hatchet. None of what you saw was accidental and most of it was an in joke. If you were in on the joke, it was a fun film. If you weren't, it seemed to suck. (And I really don't mean that to sound like a "You just didn't get it", I hate when people do that!)

Hatchet 2 continues that tradition and adds to it exponentially. The rumor is that while only 55 gallons of fake blood were used for the first one, 136 gallons were used for the second. That pretty much sums up the entire film. Most of the cast returns (and in one case is one of the best gags in the script. Shawn/Justin was classic!) and pretty much ever cameo seen on screen is a who's who of independent horror films and Adam's own stable. The on screen dialog nods to other films play out just about as fast. I personally loved the "...there was a guy named Lilian Vernon" "Shut up!!". If you can appreciate that bit of dialog, this movie is for you. (For those that don't get it, IMDB: Behind The Mask). The splashing on the trees after EVERY kill has gotten to the point of Rocky Horror. I was actually anticipating it!!

The only problem I had with the film was the recast. Don't misunderstand me, I love Danielle Harris and I think she's a Direct To DvD Scream Queen. I give her props for being Generation X's Jamie Lee Curtis. But the way the two films blend together (a nod to Halloween 1 and 2) it feels a bit jarring that she steps into the lead role. I understand Tamara Feldman had a bit of a breakdown and escaped to Paris and refused to work with anyone.  I hope she's ok, but it was a massive fail on her part to let this role go. Danielle does a great job, and I love seeing her on screen in just about anything, but it did take some getting used to.

The supporting cast is no less wonderful this time around. Tony Todd is back and just as over the top as ever.  Kane Hodder really does send my heart a flutter most of the time (He is really starting to show age in this film though..). Ed Ackerman never fails to entertain me and plays the redneck WAY too well.

It should be mentioned that Adam Green really fought for this film. It was initially released unrated because the MPAA simply wanted too many cuts to make it an "R". AMC Theaters had the balls to put the film on screen for it's opening weekend and by Monday morning the film was pulled for content. The last film to be shown Unrated on a wide release? Romero's Dawn Of The Dead. Now Green has no choice but to milk the home market and try to recoup his costs. The film is not making it's money back considering it's budget, but this is much more due to releasing than the film being good or not.

This film lives up to the first one in every way. It's worth seeing if you liked the first one. They are little treasures of horror film making as far as I am concerned. They are absolutely NOT aimed at the General Horror Audience, this is aimed at Fans. As a Fan, I loved it.

The Gore Factor is off the charts, but it's all done tongue in cheek. This is not Inside or Martyrs. This is more Friday The 13th. Ax to the pussy, seeing nuts dangle after being chainsawed in the crotch, a new and improved belt sander scene, sex with a decapitated lover... etc. But the gore IS over the top and it's even chunky at times!


***Eye Candy***
If you like Redneck, there is PLENTY here to enjoy. Although none of it nude. I give AJ Bowen 5 stars on being so cute and having the most awkward sex scene in the history of horror films. That was great! Adam Green shows up in a cameo again and is every bit as cute as he was in the first (same character too!). Ed Ackerman is uglied up for this role so even if you are into the big boys, he's a big boy with REALLY bad teeth and hard to find him hot. But he is a nice chunk of bear meat normally. Kane is still very handsome in the flashback scenes as Victor's father.


Complete side note here, but I am wondering why Danielle Harris's name doesn't come up when discussing the Hack/Slash film? I think she'd make a great Cassie!! And we need to start a Facebook movement to get Kathy Bates to play The Lunch Lady!!

Skyline (2010)

Skyline seems to be a very polarizing film. You either love it for what it is, or hate it for what it's not. It's filmed similar to Syfy's Sancturary, only with slightly more money and time since it's a major motion picture. The Red Camera and Digital Effects really are the New Hot. Script aside, this shows exactly what you can do with a "shoestring" budget of $10 Mil. It doubled it's modest budget in the theaters and that's not including PPV and Home Video sales.

The story isn't that original, nor does it really explain too much. I know a lot of folks who don't care for this type of story telling, but my question has always been what are the realistic chances of you running into a nuclear physicist who just happens to know how to defeat the invading aliens and knows all about them because he's had a chance to study them and provides all the backstory the audience needs to further the story? I'd say pretty damned slim. Instead you have a handful of average people who happen to survive the first wave of an invasion and have no idea what's going on.

The survivors include Eric Balfour, Donald Faison and David Zayas. Oh and some women. We find out early on that if you look into the light of the aliens, you get sucked away. It's nasty. There are many impressive scenes of what these aliens look like and what they can do to our planet. Pretty sure the entire budget went to the rental of the Red and the CGI work. We do find out what the aliens are after and it kind of all makes sense until the very end. The last five minutes of the film turn into the opening segment of a video game. Seriously I was expecting  the next thing I saw to be a HUD and a control scheme tutorial.

I really wanted to like the movie. I AM impressed with the CGi work and the details. But the writing just completely petered out at the last minute. It really felt they wrote themselves into a corner and just went for broke. The problem is that there is no explanation of to how it happens and sets itself up for another film just for the hell of it.

I don't hate it for what it's not, but it does stand a testament to what could have been. If you can forgive the ending, the rest of the movie doesn't suck.


***Eye Candy***
Personally, the fact that Eric Balfour and David Zayas share the screen in this one makes it well above average. Together they are like my Frosted Mini Wheats of Man Candy. The Bear in me likes him some David Zayas (Ay Papi!), but The Gay Man in me loves him some Eric Balfour. Eric does pull his shirt up a few times and both generally look amazing when they are all sweaty and stuff, but there's no nudity or lingering shots of either. They can, however, be found elsewhere as both actors have shown a fair amount of skin in other roles.

The Tortured (2010)

Quite a different turn for Jessie Metcalfe best known for his beefcake and eyecandy roles. Here he and Erika Christensen play the parents of a young boy who is abducted and murdered by a local psychopath (Bill Mosley who is perfect for the role!).  They manage to get their hands on him and set about exacting a parents revenge for a lost child.

The brutality of the subject matter alone makes it a tough film. The first half hour is spent setting the situation up, including the abduction and murder of the child. The actors are both strong enough to carry this kind of grief on screen and do a great job of putting you through the ringer before the movie even gets going.

The scenes of torture are fairly short lived and compared to other movies on my blog, relatively tame. But by the standard movie goer they will come off harsh and unforgiving. I actually did turn away at one point.

However the ending comes on strong and the twist is nothing short of jaw dropping. This is a well scripted and well filmed piece of film. It's not strictly a horror movie and does play more like a Crime Drama or Thriller, but with the few scenes of mutilation it's elevated to Horror, but just barely. Either way there are much worse ways to spend an hour and 11 minutes.

***Eyecandy***
If you aren't a fan of Jessie Metcalfe, there's not much eyecandy here. And even if you are, he's clothed and fairly dirty through most of the film. Kind of hard to find him sexy when he's covered in tears, snot and blood.

Burning Bright (2010)

What sounds like the worst set up for a thriller/horror film ever actually ends up being a rather enjoyable and tense little film. A young girl and her autistic brother are trapped in the house with a man killer tiger in the middle of a hurricane in back woods Florida. With a script that doesn't take itself completely seriously (The man who sells the tiger in the opening scene is an uncredited Meatloaf...), manages to weave a tale that makes sense and at times has you hanging on the edge of your seat.

There are a spoiler or two that I will avoid, but the set up and how these things come together is a pretty big plot point. But once the chase starts it's well filmed (for the most part) and very well acted.

Briana Evigan (Step Up 2 The Streets) manages to carry most of the film even though Charlie Tahan (Charlie St Cloud) does a more than decent job of playing someone completely removed from the world around him even while sharing the screen with a hungry tiger.

Over all this is a "Family Friendly" thriller with very little gore and much suspense. It's rated PG-13 for the small bits there are, but it proves that you CAN make a good, tense film without showing someone's insides. Really enjoyed this one.

The Loved Ones (2009)

I think the tagline on the poster says it best, "Pretty In Pink meets Wolf Creek" although I saw more similarities to Texas Chainsaw. Wolf Creek must come to mind because it's an Australian film. 

Princess is a very disturbed young woman. When she sets her sights on Brent as her date to prom, nothing will stand in her way. Of course she gets her hands on him but her idea of having her way with him are really on the far side of Out There. Bloody mayhem ensues.

Robin McLeavy steals every scene she is in as the demented and horrifying Princess. Her family is as bad as anything seen in the Texas Chainsaw franchise and they actually bare more than a passing resemblance. There are more than a few cringe worthy moments as she tortures Brent in the middle of her pink colored nightmare. It's really easy to believe these characters and even the sick motivations that fuels them. I haven't been this creeped out by a female since Baby in House Of 1,000 Corpses. And it all comes to a suitably blood drenched ending and a nice sick little twist about half way through that I never saw coming. The final moments really should be considered a Horror Classic. 

There is a side story involving Brent's best friend and his Goth prom date, but it's nowhere near as entertaining as Princess and Brent and if anything detracts from the sick shit going on elsewhere. They provide the comic relief when things are getting intense but in doing so they manage to derail a couple of really terrifying moments. It's a really good film, but could have been a lot better if tightened up a bit. It has a really good air of tension and horror that it could have maintained for the full running time of the film.

It's a sick little Aussie film that may just impress you. Especially if you like to tongue kiss your own father!! The gore is pretty high and plentiful and the squishy moments are pretty hardcore but fans of the genre will feel right at home. 

This is director/writer Sean Byrne's first feature film and managed to garner several awards in different film feasts before landing a distribution deal. The world really does need more Indy Horror that is this well done. 

Red Mist (2008)

I'll admit a little bit of bias with this film. Firstly, I think mister Andrew Lee Potts is about as cute a human being as God could manufacture. And secondly, I've just started to 'discover' Arielle Kebbel. She has played the other sister in The Uninvited and most notably for me she was Lexi in The Vampire Diaries. I was very upset with that show when *spoiler* they killed her off in the very episode they introduced her. She's supposed to be Damien's 300 yr old best friend (fag hag) and they just pop her off like she was a Cullen.

Getting back to the actual review, the movie finds Andrew and Arielle sharing a good 90% of the screen time so I was fairly engaged from the get go. Thankfully the story is a decent one and is played out with a fair amount of gore and really good performances by the main cast.

The story involves a group of med students who do something stupid that ends with Kenneth in a coma. Kenneth is played by Potts and is a stammering, creepy, possibly mentally challenged young man who works in the morgue and has a crush on Arielle's character, Catherine. He only gets a few moments to play the part to the fullest, but he does a really great job of making Kenneth almost painful to watch. Similar to other movies of the kind, the students have to hide what Kenneth knows and all vow to never say a word about their involvement in his eventual collapse into a coma. After some wonder drugs, some questionable choices and even more questionable situations later and Kenneth goes all Jean Grey on people. He can posses people and make them do his bidding, all from deep within his coma. And of course he's out for revenge. Oh no doubt this is very well worn Horror staple story lines but they play out with likable characters and these days that's more than you can hope for in most genre films.

If you have seen all the rest and seek an above average buried treasure, look this one up. It's worth a watch even if you already know how things are going to turn out. I give it bonus points for realistic (and real) medical jargon.

I'll also give a YouTube shout out. Decent Fan made music video from the film: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oc8wCur99Gs

Catfish (2010)

So the first entry in a Movie Blog about Horror films and a homo who watches them is about a movie I can neither talk about nor would I call it a horror movie.


But it is billed as a thriller. And it's been marketed that way.

"The best film Hitchcock never made..." Maybe not so much.
"The REAL Facebook Movie"? Bingo.

I really can't tell you anything about the film. I can tell you that at some points I was very twitchy and had a hard time with what was being shown on screen. But no one gets eaten. No one jumps out at you. Everyone leaves the movie with arms and legs in tact. That's not at all what this film is about. I can also tell you that it's an unflinching look at the subject it does deal with often to the point of discomfort. It's also a movie that could not have been told before the words "Social Networking" entered the lexicon. But the emotional impact and the ripples it leaves you with are every bit as affecting as the most classic scare films. This is a trip down a rabbit hole many of us know but few of us actually enter. The most impressive thing about the film for those of us who like to buy into the "reality" horror films is that the line is so blurry there has been more discussion on this one than Blair Witch. And because of some of the information given in the film, the reality shown is simply too easy to buy into.

There are those who believe that there is some reality here. There are others who think there can't be. The fact is, the film makers and everyone involved swear it happened just as we see it. I'll be honest with you, I can't make that call. What I saw felt real, especially on the part of Nev.

Part of me hopes it is real so these demons can be put to rest. Everyone in the film really does deserve a chance to move on with their lives.

I really do wish I could say more about the film but to do so would completely destroy the story.
There's seriously no gore, no dead bodies, nothing at all like that. It's all dialog and situational.

It's not a Horror film but it is as compelling a piece of film as any I have seen this year. See it. You won't forget it.

****

Man Candy Alert

If you like fuzzy boys there is some here for you. I personally think Nev is cute and very easy to watch but the story is powerful enough that it didn't matter by about half way through. There is no nudity, but there are a couple of shirtless scenes.

First Post is a Call Out!

In the United States, a new law proposal called The Combating Online Infringement and Counterfeits Act (COICA) was introduced last week, and there will be a hearing in front of the Judiciary Committee this Thursday.

If passed, this law will allow the government, under the command of the media companies, to censor the internet as they see fit, like China and Iran do, with the difference that the sites they decide to censor will be completely removed from the internet and not just in the US.

Please see the following article from the Huffington Post for more information.

Stop the Internet Blacklist

And if you are a US citizen, please take the time to sign this petition
DemandProgress.org - Petition to Stop the Internet Blacklist!
*******************


First off, the US has already appointed itself World Police, do we need them controlling the whole Internet as well?
HELL NO. The Internet is one of the few truly Free Speech places left. Porn, Pirates and Politics aside, this is an answer to NOTHING.

Stop The US From Trying to Police EVERYTHING. Please.